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Zombies, Climb!
It's Sleepless in Abel as Dr Myers sends you on a high-altitude mission with an ulterior motive. Cast *Maxine Myers *Sam Yao *Jody Marsh *Owen Landis Plot Get Climbing You hear La Paz is zom free, and Maxine wants to conduct an experiment - presumably to investigate whether high altitude has any effect on the undead. Drilling Zombies? Tempers fray up the mountain as Runner 6 continues to infuriate Runner 4, despite the doctor's insistence that they are secretly in love. That Doesn't Sound Safe Sam puts an end to their bickering as he spots a zombie Mount Rushmore taking shape on the cliff. Its eccentric-looking sculptor pops up beside you. Crypto-Cockroach Historians The artist explains the meaning behind her work; she is making a monument for the future to allow our successors to work out what destroyed the human race. Climb! You are all temporarily deafened as the rocks begin to crumble and fall; the dynamite has started an avalanche and your only safe route is up. Partial Success Sam encourages you to speed up, but Runner 4 has twisted her ankle. Much to Maxine's delight, ever-gallant Runner 6 picks her up to carry her to safety. Transcript SAM YAO: Wow, that’s a nice view. Cloud-wreathed, snow-capped, towering - MAXINE MYERS: That’s a very tall mountain, Sam. SAM YAO: Exactly! It’s majestic. JODY MARSH: Says the man who doesn’t have to climb to the top of it, up this very steep and rocky path. SAM YAO: Oh, yeah, but at least it’s not an actual cliff-face. OWEN LANDIS: There’s a fair bit of scree, mate. It’s not easy. SAM YAO: Don’t blame me! It was Maxine’s idea. Isn’t that right? MAXINE MYERS: Sorry, guys. Little experiment I thought you could help me out with. Have you got those noisemakers? siren OWEN LANDIS: Crikey! Sounds like an out of tune didgeridoo. JODY MARSH: Just because you’re Australian, do you have to be such a cliche? OWEN LANDIS: Well, excuse me for not being an uptight - MAXINE MYERS: Okay! Very glad the three of you are available for this. Now, start walking upwards. There are a few zoms nearby. Yep, they’ve heard the noisemakers, and they’re following you. JODY MARSH: Why exactly are we taking a bunch of zoms up a mountain? SAM YAO: Maybe the fresh air will do them good. Get a bit of color in their cheeks. MAXINE MYERS: What Sam means to say is that we’ve heard some intriguing rumors on the Rofflenet coming from Bolivia. JODY MARSH: Bolivia? What’s going on over there? MAXINE MYERS: Nothing. That’s what’s interesting. Apparently, the area around La Paz is completely zom-free. OWEN LANDIS : Because, uh, zombies are allergic to cocaine? JODY MARSH: There’s more to South America than drugs, you know. That’s so typical of you. MAXINE MYERS: Actually, people think it might be the altitude that kills them. So, we’re running a test. Lure some zoms up a mountain - JODY MARSH: - and see if they drop dead. Got it. OWEN LANDIS : We’ve picked up four already. They look pretty healthy for corpses. SAM YAO: Then get climbing. OWEN LANDIS : I tell you what, mate. This really is beautiful. Can you see those wildflowers along the cliff? These days, you don’t get much time to stop and smell the roses. JODY MARSH: Or the zombies. The ones following us are particularly fragrant. OWEN LANDIS : Do you have to be so bloody negative about everything? JODY MARSH: Excuse me for being a realist! SAM YAO: Maxine, I – I really don’t think this was a good idea. MAXINE MYERS: Sam… SAM YAO: It’s alright! We’re only broadcasting to Five at the moment. MAXINE MYERS: Well, maybe Five can help with my - SAM YAO: You’re completely insane scheme to get Four and Six to admit their undying love for each other? MAXINE MYERS: It is not insane! SAM YAO: They hate each other! I mean, not just dislike - actual seething hatred. MAXINE MYERS: I am telling you, Sam, no one’s that horrible to someone they don’t secretly have a crush on! Have you never seen any rom-com ever? SAM YAO: sighs You see, Five, Maxine totally made up that whole Bolivia thing. MAXINE MYERS: I totally didn’t make it up! It’s a theory. SAM YAO: But mostly it’s an excuse to send Six and Four out on a mission together, because suddenly Maxine’s a character from Fiddler on the Roof. MAXINE MYERS: I think they’re perfect for each other. They just need a little push in the right direction. You know, when Paula and I first met, we did not get on at all! I thought she was aggressive and pushy, and she thought I was acting dumb and obstructive. But when you feel that strongly about someone, there’s something there. I am telling you. OWEN LANDIS : Uh, you still with us, Sam? You’re not usually this quiet for this long. SAM YAO: Are you suggesting I’ve got verbal diarrhea? JODY MARSH: Everyone knows you’ve got verbal diarrhea. MAXINE MYERS: You see? It’s not hopeless! They agree about something. SAM YAO: Yeah, my diarrhea, apparently. How romantic. OWEN LANDIS : Hey, did you see that? JODY MARSH: Yeah, something moved up there. SAM YAO: Zombies? sounds Drilling zombies? MAXINE MYERS: You better investigate. Get climbing! OWEN LANDIS : You know, this place kind of reminds me of Ayers Rock. JODY MARSH: Bollocks. Doesn’t look anything like it! SAM YAO: Worst matchmaking ever. OWEN LANDIS : Well, it’s sort of red, when the sun catches it, and… no. No, you’re right. It’s completely different. It’s just, I keep thinking. I’m never going to see Australia again. There’s no way I’ll get home now, is there? MAXINE MYERS: That is kind of sad. JODY MARSH: Aw, boohoo. What would you prefer? Seeing your entire country overrun with zombies and everyone you know get eaten? At least this way, you get to remember Australia the way it used to be. OWEN LANDIS : Have you got a single sympathetic bone in your body? SAM YAO: Uh, guys? OWEN LANDIS : Because as far as I can see, you’re about as warm-hearted as a - SAM YAO: Guys. OWEN LANDIS : - as a zombie who’s just taken an ice bath. SAM YAO: Guys! What’s that on the mountain ahead of you? JODY MARSH: It’s… Someone’s been carving an enormous face into the cliff. OWEN LANDIS : It’s like - JODY MARSH: Oh God, not some other Australian thing. OWEN LANDIS : I was going to say Mount Rushmore! That’s not even in Oz! MAXINE MYERS: It is kind of like Mount Rushmore. Only it’s not a human face, is it? JODY MARSH: It’s a zombie! It’s a giant, gray, rocky zombie face. SCULPTOR: You saw it? You understood! At last, someone to appreciate my masterpiece! SAM YAO: Blimey, where’d she spring from? MAXINE MYERS: I think they just met the artist in person. SAM YAO: Careful, guys. No one with hair that long and curly can possibly be sane. Especially when they’re wearing that jumper. SCULPTOR: So, what do you think of it? OWEN LANDIS : Yeah, it’s – it’s lovely! Really, um, eye-opening? Did you do it all yourself? SCULPTOR: Every inch by hand! But it’s taken rather a long time, so I’ve decided to bring out the dynamite! JODY MARSH: Dynamite? On a mountain covered in loose rocks? That doesn’t sound very safe. SCULPTOR: It isn’t. That’s why you’re going to set it off for me. OWEN LANDIS : Uh, we’re a bit busy at the moment, I’m afraid. rustles, a gun clicks SAM YAO: Oh, bugger. She’s got a gun. SCULPTOR: Don’t worry, you’ll find the time. I’d hate to have to shoot you. I will, obviously, but I’d feel terrible about it, so get climbing. SAM YAO: So, I think we can definitely say a giant carving of a zombie head looks even scarier close up. OWEN LANDIS : Actually, it is sort of impressive. SCULPTOR: It’s the culmination of my life’s work! JODY MARSH: Let me get this straight. You’ve spent the entire time since the zombie apocalypse that destroyed the world and killed probably everyone you know and love making a giant sculpture of the thing that destroyed the world and killed everything you know and love? OWEN LANDIS : whispers Don’t antagonize her! MAXINE MYERS: He’s got a point. SAM YAO: Yeah, I mean, she’s clearly insane, but we don’t want to make her insane and angry. OWEN LANDIS : That’s what I thought. SCULPTOR: Who are you talking to? OWEN LANDIS : Oh, uh, myself. I do that sometimes. SCULPTOR: Me, too! giggles JODY MARSH: Great. SCULPTOR: It’s a monument, you see? For the future. Mankind’s finished, that’s obvious. Totally, totally doomed. But what comes next? JODY MARSH: The rise of the cockroach people? SCULPTOR: Yes, yes, yes, exactly! Our evolutionary successors will take over the planet and they’ll never know what happened to us. OWEN LANDIS : Well, they’ll see the ruins of our civilization, won’t they? MAXINE MYERS: I really don’t think you should play into her psychosis. SCULPTOR: The ruins? Yes. But dead zombies look like dead people. JODY MARSH: They are dead people. SCULPTOR: Which means they won’t show up in the archaeological record. My sculpture will let future crypto-cockroach historians know what destroyed us. But that dynamite won’t set off itself. So chop chop! I’ll wait here while you do the deed. Don’t want to get in the way of the rubble. I might get hurt. OWEN LANDIS : Runner Five, take a look back. Is she watching us? JODY MARSH: Don’t bother, she’s still pointing a rifle at us. MAXINE MYERS: She’s a long way back, now. She might not be able to hit you. SAM YAO: I’m not risking their lives on it. MAXINE MYERS: But I can see the detonator up ahead. OWEN LANDIS : Yeah, and it’s a bit bloody close to those explosives. The wire’s only about twenty foot long! SAM YAO: Yeah, I think you should, um - JODY MARSH: Get shot? This is ridiculous! I’m going to set it off. beeps, cliff explodes shouts See? We’re fine! SAM YAO: There’s no need to shout! OWEN LANDIS : shouts What? What did you say, Sam? SAM YAO: I said there’s no need to shout. OWEN LANDIS : shouts What? MAXINE MYERS: There’s no point. The explosions deafened them. Hopefully it’ll be temporary. SAM YAO: At least it didn’t kill them. rumbling MAXINE MYERS: sighs You had to say that, didn’t you? SAM YAO: Oh, is that - ? MAXINE MYERS: It started an avalanche, and they’re right in the path of the rocks! SAM YAO: Guys, head up. It’s the only safe route. JODY MARSH: shouts What? SAM YAO: Go up! Climb! SAM YAO: You’re nearly clear, guys, but it’s still – can you maybe speed up a tiny bit? JODY MARSH: Ugh, I twisted my ankle on some loose rock. I think it’s sprained. OWEN LANDIS : Oh, for God’s sake. Just come here - MAXINE MYERS: Would you look at that? He picked her up, he’s cradling her in his arms! gasps Isn’t that the most romantic thing ever? JODY MARSH: Typical Australian. You are such a chauvinist! Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself. OWEN LANDIS : Bloody hell! You sprained your ankle, you daft cow! I’m trying to save your life! SAM YAO: Oh, oh, they are so in love. MAXINE MYERS: Yeah… I guess you’d better come home, guys! JODY MARSH: What about the psycho sculptor? Is she - SAM YAO: Um, no sign of her. Oh, no, no wait. Is that – ugh, yeah, I think that’s her. Trapped beneath that fallen-off nose of the sculpture. There’s a lot of blood. I think it killed her. OWEN LANDIS : Look, it’s our zombies! Oh, they’re, uh - SAM YAO: Chowing down on the mad sculptor. JODY MARSH: So they aren’t killed by high altitude, after all. Complete waste of time this has turned out to be. SAM YAO: You never know. I was checking the maps, and this area of the countryside is filled with coal. So uh, that blasting - MAXINE MYERS: Good thinking. We’ll clear the debris away and send a team in to go and check. If we find something, we’ll be able to power the generators for weeks. OWEN LANDIS : Bonzer! So the mission’s a total success after all. JODY MARSH: Stop jumping up and down like a child, you idiot, you’re jarring my leg. SAM YAO: Hmm, um, more of a partial success, I’d say.Category:Side Mission Category:Season Two